have been two months since i last update .
Life seem great but not as good as you can imagine .
Don't even know what to do for the next step at times .
You may be lost , but you don't know where to start or end .
You are confused yet you want to be clear of what you are doing .
You don't want to surrender to reality , that's why you keep telling yourself to keep moving on .
that's what i'm feeling now .
Just got a little mix feeling of what i'm going to do next .
I miss those times , but yet , i can't do the things i want to right now .
i have to brain wash myself at times in order not to feel rejected .
You may laugh for all you want , but you will be telling yourself ,
"are you really as happy ?"
I'm not .
Felt as if i fail through everything although all of you may think i have everything .
I always thought i have many things ,
end up , in the very end , i really lost to reality .
I really want you back in my life at times ,
but pride told me no , cause my answer from you will be dissapointing ,
or maybe history will repeat again,
i don't want the same kind of hurt ,
but my heart told me , i should give it a try again .
Without you , yes life always goes on ,
like not bothering me ,
but dreams that i'm having tells me , i really miss you .
yet i have to tell myself , no , you are gone already .
neither i think you want to be back with all of us right ...
Am i avoiding ? i don't know either .
I guess i wasn't a good sister after all .
I always don't have this kind of feeling ,
but in the end , i think i'm in fault after all .
If it wasn't for me , you will still be with us .
if only i had one chance , i will just keep my mouth shut .
maybe you still have friends or maybe sisters with you .
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I really hope i can be a good girlfriend of yours .
i'm really trying my very best .
People may think it's so easy to wait .
but to me , it's more than my life .
I'm not saying this because my feelings for you had faded ,
no , not a singe bit is gone . i still love you as much as i did . always .
but i just hope i could try better , not to miss you .
i don't want to make myself so miserable .
everyone thinks i'm great , blah blahblah .
but they never knew the story behind it either .
it's not as easy as all of you think .
but still life still goes on ,
yes i'm still waiting .
i really miss you baby , always have been .
love you , since then till the end .
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I can't help anyone at all ,
problems , i wished i could be there always ,
but still , there is distances in everything i do .
i can't always be the superwoman ,
i need somebody to be there after all .
but still , i have to tolerate my own problems ,
i'm sorry for some people out there , i mean my close buddies and all ,
i can't be there . Really am .
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Life isn't easy anymore .
the more you grown , mature ,
the more problems you will tend to face .
Guess what i have to do , is only to move on .....
