Hello , tomorrow there will be a big day ,
after tomorrow i wouldn't be free anymore :(
saddening :( gonna have a great day tomorrow then .
hoping things will get better `


you often think that i am immature , 
thinking that i didn't care at all . 
what can i do to make you feel that i really do care . 
i didn't cry infront of you guys as i do not want to let you guys worried even more . 
i feel worse inside you know . 
i really care about her , 
but i cannot show it out . what makes you thin that i didn't cry at all . 
i scare that she might one day leave me :( 
but when i go out , i just want to catch a breathe , 
i can't breathe right , i can't think right . 
i very stressed and upset too , do you know ? 
i don think so , 
i know blood is thicker than water , but only with them , 
i can at least vent out my stress and at least make me little cheer up . 
Ahma , please . i beg you , at least let me have a last new year with you . 
i really love you , i really care about you , 
i never show my tears , i didn't want you to worry , 
that time i see you , i nearly cried . 
but i didn't want to let any of you worried , 
i held back . please god , take a few years of my life to exchanged and let her at least live longer and feel better . 
if i could rewind , i would not go out so often , 
and not letting you worried . 
i rather you scold me now than not beable to speak ., 
please tell me one more time , to come back early , 
i will , i would . :( please ! 
i am down on my knees . 
i love you grandma , i really do :(